Still, women can't be themselves

I'm always amazed as what passes as acceptable attitudes about women. I truly think that hatred towards women is one of the last fully acceptable forms of discrimination in this country. Even, thankfully, hatred towards homosexuals is discouraged by the well-educated and moral folk. But hatred towards women is celebrated among almost everyone - even women bond over frightening attitudes about themselves.

For example, the Holloway teenaged woman who was raped and murdered recently in Aruba by (it seems too horrifically obvious) the 3 boys who left a bar with her early one morning while she was vacationing there. The boys admitted to having sex with her, but not to murdering and raping her, which they surely did. One of them, Deepak Kalpoe, described Holloway:

"To tell you quite frankly, (she) dressed like a slut, talked like one, too. (Who) would go into a car with three strange guys, and her mother, claiming her to be the goody-two-shoes. Enough with this BS already."

What the hell.

So, as the old belief goes, if a woman dresses a certain way, she deserves to be tortured and to die a gruesome death at the pleasure of a disgusting pervert. That's belief number one.

But really, everyone expects straight women to dress in a way that is sexually appealing to men - whatever that may be at the present time. So, women are trapped. If they don't dress a certain way, they are not considered by the men they want to partner up with. If they do dress a certain way, they are called names, hated, raped, and murdered. Women are, should be, at the whim of men, whatever that whim may be at the moment - attraction, or violence. This is buried belief number two.

I've heard women perpetuate this belief system: "She dressed like that, so what do you expect?" What do I expect? I expect that she'll actually be treated like the human being that she is. And this is it, isn't it? Women aren't really perceived to be human. They are sub-human. They are less than their supposed counterparts, men. Every religion says this (fashioned out of a man's rib, obedience to men, a brother kills a sister because she is acting in discord with the 'holy book' and shaming the family, yadda yadda).

Yet another reason to reject religious ideology.

I am always, and I mean that literally - ALWAYS - touched when a woman is treated with the respect and dignity that is automatically handed over to men. When a women shows her intelligence and her ideas are considered sincerely; when a women comfortably shows off her comedic talents (how many funny women does Hollywood allow us access to?); when a woman chooses to be single and to not have children, and she is considered cool, admired.

I think the clincher is this: many women (thankfully not all) want to be with men. The men in this country, all countries, are raised to perceive women as inferior, raised to treat women disrespectfully. For a woman to catch herself one of these fellers, she has to buy into this belief system, she has to suppress many of the wonderful and powerful things that she is. To not do so is, in her mind, in this paradigm, to be alone, and I can't say I blame anyone for not wanting to be alone forever. But, maybe as glimpses of women's talents, brilliance, true nature continue to surface from time to time, in those beautiful moments of respect and encouragement, then maybe these thuggish, violent, aggressive, terrible attitudes will be forced to change, as men will have to select from a growing number of genuine women, not women in hiding.

We can hope.

jem